How heavy the sorrow is
Upon my chest
When I think of you
How deep the ache
When I call you to mind
Is like grasping for air
In my burning lungs
And coming up empty
Of your laugh,
Of your smile,
Of the way you used to look at me when I teased you,
Stirs so much longing within my heart.
My eyes become like streams of water
When I recall how cold you were
On that table
How your chill somehow penetrated the depths of my being
Just like your warmth used to.
It wounds me to remember how you couldn’t hold my hand
When it took everything in me to reach for yours.
When it took everything in me to touch you,
To hold you,
And you weren’t there to hold me back.
I just wanted to take you and run
But I couldn’t
Because you carried the weight of death.
Only Jesus can hold that kind of weight.
I know this sounds cliche
But it was different
When you weren’t there for our birthdays.
And it’s not your fault
So don’t feel bad
We just didn’t realize
How vast of an impact in which you had.
What I’m trying to say is
I miss you
Happy Birthday to you too.
We will all be together
Just like you always wanted
Being merry and cherishing each other
And the gift it was to do life with you.
I love you, Momma.
See you soon,