In these past weeks, I have been on what I like to call the “struggle bus”. And I am partly comforted to know that we are all on that bus from time to time… or all the time lol. Anyway, I feel like I am just being swamped my situations. My dad had a heart attack and almost died, my cat died, I’m super sick, and I’m absolutely stuck in the feels for someone who doesn’t feel the same. Ahh, gotta love life. But, what’s odd about being on the struggle bus for me is that Jesus there. I’m lucky because I don’t think too many people get to have that experience, so praise the Lord! In the midst of real pain and even my own self pity, He is with me. It is always sweet when someone is just with you, no expectations, no fixing, just closeness.
He’s not one of those people who just tries to fix you, which is nice (most of the time haha). Sometimes I want an instant fix, but that’s not how I grow. Jesus is the type of person who, just by spending time with Him, you are transformed. Just by spending time with Him I begin to look less at where I am (the gutter/ the pit/ the struggle bus etc) and more at who He is (friggin life my dudes). Have you ever heard the saying “it doesn’t matter where you are, it just matters who you’re with?” It’s kind of like that. As long as you are with your person, everything is going to be ok. That’s what I have with Jesus, but I’d also like to have it with this guy I like (not bitter, ‘ssssfine) but whatever. Again, the Lord knows better than we do when it comes to, well, everything… LOL so typical. Not to mention He desires to have the first place in my heart and I struggle to honor and love Him in that way. Why would he put me in a situation where I would be even more divided?! He knows what He’s doing.
I feel like such a silly gal when I doubt the Lord and then actually consider who He is and how He loves me. When Jesus says He loves me, I can trust Him. He literally has ZERO reason to say it out of obligation. Like just no. Stop over analyzing and looking at yourself and believe. It’s such a sweet deal we have here. I mean, we all want to be wanted by someone, and He wants us more than any person ever could. So, then why do I not feel loved, wanted or desired by God? An insightful song told me this, “… a wise man knows that his own feeling may not with the truth align” (Sarah Sparks, Shasta’s Complaint). Feelings do not equal truth. Praise the Lord! My feelings are wack, and make for a really bad guide.
I wanted to be really honest with the people reading this, because if I’m not then what’s the point? I want to be as relatable and real as possible so that people can see what it is really like to follow Christ. It’s not easy. But it is rewarding. It’s also not a solo gig. I am “in the body,” or meeting with other believers as often as possible so that we might be mutually encouraged and built up as one body, the body of Christ. This life requires companions! When one of us is riding the struggle bus, everyone gets on and we sing praises to the Lord because it gives us life… and because He deserves it.
In all of my situations, no matter how sucky they are, at least I have a group of brothers and sisters that are with me when there isn’t an instant fix. They too desire for me to grow, and their love is unrelenting, just like that of Jesus! Jesus is so richly expressed in them and I am so blessed that I get to do life with them.
Ok I apologize for being all over the place and not having a point, but I suppose the point is I too ride the struggle bus and it doesn’t have to be all bad. As a brother once said, there is a way to “transcend the suck,” so let’s transcend the struggle bus together and get this living bread A.K.A. Jesus!
Click here to listen to the song I quoted from:
Ashley's Adventures 
You are such a beautiful soul my sister. I love you so much, I know mom is so proud of you and I pray that you are able to find comfort in her spirit. I find comfort thinking about her and you. Praying is helping, you have helped me more than you can imagine. I love you forever sister.
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