Dissonance

I asked myself the same questions
depressed like earl grey 
made plans and hid my face
I don't want just anything new
would settle for less 
would settle for you
I could have lied 
to you to me
could've hung my hats on the lynching tree
the hats that aren't enough you said 
self-loathing is a full time gig

but love isn't what I thought it was 
it's too real it hurts
like Heaven from "The Great Divorce"
its truth and grace the sacred balance 
who can accept such perfection with talons
beneath their skin
carrying on for a time
faulty projections walking the line
the full moon always comes
that lesser light of the night
brings out a shadow side
this dissonance is all I know
suffocating in this lovely chokehold

lay me to rest
don't put me to the test
I will not be weaned from this misery