To Whom am I Bound?

all of these things make my soul so cold
how come
they are not getting old?

why is it that the hardest person to say no to
is myself
and damn
I hate asking for help
I hate how I am not God
and I hate 
that I hate that

who am I
to demand so much control
yet when it is granted
I have no legs to stand on 
no voice to command it

True Sadness, by the Avett Brothers
really hits
when I find myself like 
this

Lord,
help me be ok with the fact
that I will always be a mess
and that you don't love me any less
for not meeting the bars
I set for myself

forgive me for believing
and clinging 
to the same lies I always do
grant me a mind 
that's fortified 

I philia you Lord
but you know all things
all I can ask 
is that you move in me