Pond Weed 2020

feeling like 
hiding in the pond weed 
memories 
of friends in bed
in my bathroom shrooming 
Toni taking a blinker 
half a tab of acid 
I bought drunkenly on E 6th
crying at the stars on my ceiling 
of which there are none
Sofia fighting demons
and for love
loving us through our illusions 
took melatonin before a first date 
offered the gummies to them
forgot they weren’t vitamins
we all got ramen that night 
pond weed times ten
before we realized 
no song could be that long
until the replay overstayed it’s welcome
dripping a dry Riesling over this journal 
gifts from Haiden
I can't remember the last time I felt
someone else's tears on my face
sorrow as a companion and 
feeling celebrated 
even though the news of him moving 
stirred something in me
aren’t we all 
the cause and effect?
750 ml and some change
what does it cost
to have peace
nowadays?
an empty oyster shell from when I was brave?
what would it mean
to have the courage I crave?
right now it comes back to 
pond weed
and that one time in boulder 
walks with Avery
high among the thistles
moments on the bathroom floor
what could this life be for?
I think I’ll finish all the open bottles 
in the meantime left hand in a sock
burned so bad
I can’t use it anyway