Bottleneck

I feel it in my arms this time 
heavy and clammy and cold
its beautiful 
its beautiful without them 
I feel it in my belly 
low & weighted 
sorrowful eclipse of the sacrum 
long bumpy roads
so much to leave behind
internal lag of the mind
song birds hum 
sunken volume drum 
beneath my tongue 
the one that reprimands me 
for missing love
can't find my place
like a seat that's missing 
in my own body
its not safe in here
no matter the miles 
planes and trains and cars
running from my inner child 
mountains indifferent and terrible 
as love and hate and the crippling shame
of loss
sticky grief clings like moss
smiles from the past projected on closed lids
welling up with tears that refuse to shed