It’s a scary world out there. I love those moments when I can really let loose. When I am just me expressed: the good, the bad, the strange, the true. My experience of bliss in these times is almost always cut short by a fear of over exposure. I am free, I am me, for a few minutes, and then the voice in the back of my head screams at me, “what have you done?!” I guess leaving it all on the dance floor of life leaves me subject to been truly seen, and judged. I don’t think it’s necessarily the judgment I am afraid of, I am afraid that if I show people who I really am they will try to keep their distance. I feel like I’m that crazy person that everyone admires for being themselves, but no one actually wants to be friends with. I feel like a zoo animal, fun to look at, probably scary to play with. Which I wont deny, because people have given me some strange looks and reactions that make me think that may actually be the case. So I struggle with this. Am I too quirky, is it cliché to say that no one understands me? Or maybe every one else is just a robot. Or maybe I’m overthinking it. Or maybe it doesn’t even matter?
Maybe it’s ok for me to be weird. Maybe it’s ok for me to think in poems. Maybe it’s ok for me to equally love Blink 182 and Brad Paisley and Word Jazz. Maybe it’s ok to want to be set apart and fit in at the same time. Maybe it’s ok to be misunderstood. Maybe it’s ok to enjoy my own artwork and laugh and humor and quirks. Maybe I don’t have to be embarrassed or hide my true self. Maybe I don’t have to be afraid. I don’t have to be afraid. I won’t be afraid.
Something I’ve been thinking about lately is how much of a weirdo God must be. I mean, if we’re made in His image, He must be where we get it from. It’s all in the genes, or the jeans. Does God wear jeans? I feel like He would, He’s very relatable.
According to God’s word, He made me this way on purpose. He crafted me with vast amounts of giggles and beauty and heart. He made me to be a reflection of Him. What an honor. I am a piece of art, hand-crafted by God Himself. Holy shit. It’s amazing. He looks at me like I look at a vessel I’ve spent my whole heart on crafting and shaping to be exactly as I want it. He is proud of me. Oh Lord, make my heart believe. He made me to fill me. Oh Lord, come fill me up! I want every quirk, every interaction, every smile, every remark to be covered in Christ. I don’t want to be quirky on my own. I want Jesus, because when I try to be me without Him I don’t feel like myself. He brings me to life, like that song by Evanescence, “Bring me to Life.” He “wakes me up inside,” you know? LOL.
This blog post is just an encouragement for people to be who they were created to be in Christ, but not in their own strength! It is the Lord in us that enables us to live according to His word and design. If you are afraid to be vulnerable and open and alive in Christ, I understand because it’s really hard/ scary/ painful sometimes, but it’s worth it. It’s worth living as you are designed to be. Live your best life, in Christ!
This does not mean go be super, uncomfortably, quirky. We are all members of Christ’s body and we all serve a different function, some of us will be bellybuttons and some will be finger nails. We’re just different, and that is ok. Your job is to just be you. So be faithful to the life God has called you to in Himself and His design! I love you people.