Looking back on this past year, well, it’s just nice to slow down and take a deep breath. Similarly to most people, I feel like all the time has flown by. But I don’t want to be one who just goes with the flow of time, I want to own my time. I think I’ve done that this year. Or at least sometimes I have.
A lot has happened in the past twelve months: I did work crew at a summer camp, I started my senior year of high school, I made new friends, I reconciled relationships, I got to know the Lord better, I spent a lot of time climbing and playing guitar. Also my mom got baptized and my dad and I started praying together (woohoo/ YEET)! But there were some not-so-ideal situations: My dad had a heart attack and I had to drive him to the hospital (scariest thing ever), and less than a month later my mom died after driving into a freaking river (on accident). I think it’s fair for me to say WTF! Like talk about a double whammy. But, surprisingly, I am not falling apart. Grief has been a weird process. I am learning to just let my feelings come and go as needed, it’s a great life skill! Your feelings/ emotions don’t own you, however, they are an asset if you allow them to be.
Something I’ve been appreciating a lot is the reality of community. Like, we have other people that we can connect with and love and be loved by. I’ve especially enjoyed meeting with other followers of Jesus. There is truly nothing like their spirits! People that believe in the Lord Jesus and live for Him are so enjoyable to be around. There’s something about them that just ministers life to me… must be Christ in them, LOL go figure. I love how the Lord has come into my mind and dispensed Himself. Like I have Christ in me and I have His mind! I can think like Him, I can feel what He feels, I can love how He loves. How fucking cool. Like is there a stronger word I could use to describe the awesomeness of the Holy Spirit? Probably, but I don’t have time for fancy vocab that no one else understands. Jesus Himself was very personable, He hung out with all the “wrong” people. I aim to be as personable and approachable as He was/ is. It’s so funny to me how most Christians act like they have a stick up their ass. Like, chill bro. We’re supposed to be enjoying Christ, not sucking up to Him or slaving away for Him. I remember when that concept finally clicked for me. Everything just became so much more clear. Jesus is a real person! Like we can talk to Him and love Him and enjoy Him just for who He is. He has the best personality ever. He’s so funny, beautiful, authentic, chill, wild, strong, wise, caring, patient, and a million other things! But these are the characteristics that come to mind when I think of Him. Gee wiz He is the literal KING of humor. Speaking of humor, and of God, the combination of both have been so healing for me in the past few months. It’s cool discovering what will sustain me in my darkest moments. Make me laugh, and give me Christ.
What’s also really funny and ironic to me is that every time I start a blog post I intend to just talk about myself, but I always end up talking about the Lord. Praise the Lord that I can’t help talking about Him! There is a verse in the Bible that says your treasure is where your heart is. There’s another verse that says everything you do flows from your heart. Thank You Lord for becoming my treasure. I wanna treasure You more tho, because everyday I fail to treasure You.
Oh yeah ok so anyway, this past year has held a lot of weight in my life. I have had moments that I know I will be able to appreciate in paradise with the Lord and others. Those are the only moments that matter– the moments that contain Christ. He is the only constant and lasting and sure thing in the whole universe and I can’t believe I get to know Him. I want everyone to know Him, to know His kindness and sense of humor and deep intimate love. I hope I can at least introduce a few people while I am here.
The theme for me this year was to remember that I am completely whole in Christ. He has everything I need: all the love, all the grace, every longing is satisfied in Him when we give them to Him. Looking back, I am so thankful the Lord put that truth on my heart. Through all my situations, whether it be boys, or school, or validation, or my moms death, I can go back to the truth that Christ is fully sufficient for me. He holds my whole life in His hands, I trust Him. Lord, lead me to trust You more. Lead me back to you, just like You always do. I love You. Shout out to You for being the best and for making this year of my life full of life.